This is Part 1 of a 3-part series “Healing Never Good Enough”:
- Part 1 – [You are here] Solving Your Mind Monster – The Pain of Unworthiness (Article)
- Part 2 – “Why feeling Never Good Enough is not YOUR problem” (Video)
- Part 3 – If you haven’t done so already register here for: “How to Finally Feel ‘Good Enough’ & No Longer give into Guilt, Pressure & Feeling Endlessly Loyal to those who don’t Deserve It ” (Free Encore Presentation)
Solving Your Mind Monster – The Pain of Unworthiness
Pacing all night in agony, the only thing in my mind was “How do I get this sorted out without inconveniencing anyone?” What should have been on my mind was how for the previous seven hours no painkillers had worked, the amount of pain I was in was increasing to a level where thinking straight was out of the question.
It was only when I opened the front door at 4.30am to start striding around the neighbourhood on a pain induced adrenaline high, did it actually cross my mind it was time to ask for help. When we’ve been ‘trained’ from a young age or even before we’re born, to accept a lower status in this world we naturally soldier on and NEVER ask for assistance. We put on the right face, show a happy smile.
On the inside we’re crying, walking around in a constant state of low grade anxiety, wondering when we’re going to do something wrong. We generally assume it’s only a matter of time before someone tells us we’re unacceptable. When there is the potential for it to be affirmed, we wait, holding our breath for the inevitable criticism.
That’s when we switch to pleasing people, appeasing for an easier life, worrying about what others think. It’s a constant exhausting pressure from what feels like an invisible force.
Why is this monster on our back?
The voice that tells us we’re unworthy, not good enough, tramps through our inner world as though it owns it. The problem is it does own us. This energy comes from our history. Sometimes it’s a known history, other times it’s an inherited one, something we received from a distant past, from people we never even met.
Emotional history is not only passed through the ‘nurture’ process through the generations, it also has a ‘nature’ threshold. The relatively new science of behavioural epigenetics for instance, shows how our genes can be changed generations earlier, due to an emotional rather than physiological influence. This has powerful implications. It explains WHY when we get to a certain stage of our personal development we find a strong draw to resolving the past. We feel stuck if we don’t tackle what’s set before us, the reasons why our default setting is unworthiness, never feeling enough.
How far do you have to go before you’ll ask for help?
It took crippling pain for me to come to my own senses, to see almost the amusing part of what my psyche was showing me: “How far do you have to go before you’ll ask for help?” Obviously, it was a long way in. I’d gone all night with no sleep, creeping quietly in extreme pain around the house trying not to wake anyone. Eventually, when I could stand no more, I called a dear friend, she took me for the help I needed.
Only when I got to the hospital, did I believe I wasn’t inconveniencing anyone. They told me, the pain of kidney stones is the hardest pain to bear, tougher apparently than the last stages of childbirth.
How long will you wait to release unworthiness?
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