Is It Me? How to Recognise Cold Relationships
In this video you will discover why you attract cold relationships and you’ll start to release yourself from feeling cold relationships with the deep process simulation meditation.
During this three-part session you will learn:
- Early Signs the Relationship is Cold
- Why People Are Cold
- Steps to Stop Attracting Cold Relationship Dynamics
Even if you’re usually withdrawn and shy.
Note: Please do your best to listen to each episode of the Love YOUR Life show in order as they are released weekly.
The problem is some people are hard to be around.
They’re not mean ALL the time, they can be really nice.
You try hard, you work at relationships.
Why is it then you don’t feel connected?
The issue is you’re attracting cold relationships.
When you release your unconscious attraction to those who routinely reject through an inability to allow themselves connection, you will feel the boundary of mutually respectful relationships.
PART 1: Is It Me? How to Recognise Cold Relationships
How do you recognise when a relationship is emotionally cold?
Especially when you’re never quite sure if you’ve done something wrong because of mixed signals.
First, you need to recognise what a cold relationship looks like, because mixed signals mean you’ll question yourself, leaving you confused and eventually heartbroken.
Cold relationships are any relationship, whether that’s romantic, friendship, work dynamic, or even family, where you feel uncomfortable, or no matter what you do, you’re always wrong, because communication is either nonexistent, or at best, patchy.
Consequently, you hold out for the best of their behavior. “They’re not that bad.” “They can be really nice sometimes, it depends what mood they’re in.“
The list goes on:
- You don’t want much
- What you’re asking for is not much
- You just want mutual kindness, respect through communication when there is an issue, and most importantly, you want warmth
It’s not much to ask.
Have you thought about how your life would be if all relationships in your life were good ones? What difference would that make to you? Is it something that you can ever expect?
Well, for starters, you wouldn’t have any heart-sinking dread. You wouldn’t have to brace yourself for certain situations. You could be confident that every dynamic you come across, every interaction you have, it’s going to be a nice one, a pleasant one, and something to look forward to, rather than something that you have to prepare yourself for.
So we’re going to look at the early signs a relationship is cold, why people are cold, and steps you can take to stop attracting cold dynamics, so you can stop worrying that it’s you.
So what are the early signs a relationship is rather chilly?
Some of those early signs include a lack of responsibility, so they haven’t done something that they said they would, and there’s no sign of an apology.
So they said, “Oh yeah, I’m going to do this,” and then they haven’t done it, and then you’re wondering, “Am I going to get some kind of, oh my gosh, I’m really sorry I haven’t done that?“
No, it’s just completely ignored, and there’s no sign of an apology. That’s the sign of a cold relationship.
In fact, they may pretend it was never even an issue. Interactions with the person, even at their early stages, start off a little bit strange, with those kinds of feelings where you think, “am I out of order,” I’m not really quite sure.
They say things that grind just a little, and you then worry.
You think, “Do you know what? I’m just too sensitive. They don’t really mean it. I’m just too sensitive about it.“
They demand rather than start a conversation that ends with an agreement. So instead of saying, “Well, let’s have a discussion about something,” it starts off as a demand.
It’s, “Well, we’re going to do this. That’s all right with you, isn’t it? Oh, that’s official. You think? Hang on a second. Did we actually agree on that somewhere? No, I don’t remember a discussion. Oh, well, we had a discussion about it. No, we didn’t. I don’t remember that discussion. You decided that, and you then decided I would want that.”
The demand will be something expected of you, and it will feel like a pressure. And as an Intuitive-Sensitive Person (iSP), that’s easy to fall into because you’re an eager beaver. You want to please, and you hate confrontation.
And of course, the big, big, big one is… silent treatment. They wont communicate they don’t like your decision. They’ll wait for you to give in, and they’ll wait for you to give in through silence.
Why are some people cold in their approach, in their interaction with you?
People are cold when you lack a boundary. They themselves, to be this cold, will have a self-esteem issue. But admitting they’re worried themselves about being hurt, something they want to do, it’s easier for them just to be cold to others, and it’s really easy for them to be cold.
If the other person has no boundary, if you’ve been used to a cold style of interaction, perhaps from early life, you’ll assume even though those cold interactions are painful, cold relationships are normal. Cold relationships are not normal.
What are some steps you can take to stop attracting cold dynamics?
The key is to stop assuming others’ cold behavior. What I found I got sucked into for a long time was analyzing.
When you keep analyzing what you did wrong, you end up obsessed with trying to fix yourself so that you’re loved. This approach doesn’t work because you’re assuming you have to fall into something acceptable to be lovable. Yet the goalposts of what makes you acceptable, therefore, lovable will always be changing with someone who is cold in relationships.
What are 3 little things you can do to minimise getting caught in believing cold behavior in others is somehow your fault?
#1 Look out through their eyes…
You’ll see their self-esteem issue. If you look out through their eyes, if you imagine yourself and think, “gosh, what’s going on here?”
Instead of making it about you, “I’ve done something wrong. I must be a terrible person, therefore I have to take responsibility for all this.”
No, look out through their eyes.
Just imagine yourself, you’re perfectly capable of doing it. Looking out through their eyes and you’ll see their own self-esteem issue. You can then feel compassion for it and then realise it’s not you.
Doing this releases you from any potential for over-analyzing.
#2 Nip it in the bud…
Take a deep breath and call out the behavior. Call it out by saying, “hey, I don’t appreciate the silent treatment. If you’ve got something to say, let’s have a conversation.”
That becomes a boundary, which is to say, “hey, I’m not going to respond to the silent treatment and I’m calling it out.“
You’d be amazed at how people who use cold dynamics as a ways and means of interaction in relationships, when you call them out, sometimes they’re really quite shocked. No one’s ever called them out. You call them out and they go, “oh, okay, maybe I have to behave differently.“
Or they think, “Wow, that’s not a person to mess with. They’re going to call me out on that. They’re not going to let me get away with it”
#3 Don’t be afraid to let it go…
One of the big things for Intuitive-Sensitive People (iSP) is that we’re hideously loyal and sometimes in ways that we shouldn’t be. Sometimes what’s actually the right thing to do, is to let something go.
If you can let something go, it’s a boundary that’s accepting the way something is.
Accepting something the way it is means you don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to be part of it.
It will take a few goes, but you’ll feel a release around that, and you do that with the meditation accompanying this episode, which fast-tracks the release of the hurt cold relationships create.
So give the meditation Releasing Cold Relationships meditation a go because you don’t make logical decisions around cold relationships, you make decisions based on unconscious beliefs which have often been stored in the body for years.
As Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.“
This meditation will help you undo those unconscious beliefs by releasing the energy stored in your body around cold relationships. Even if you’ve never done a meditation before, it’s fine. Just follow the words. You have time. There is always time for something this important.
PART 2: Releasing Cold Relationships Meditation
When you have watched the above video you are ready to complete the easy to do meditation
PART 3: Are you ready to go deeper, much deeper? If you liked this episode of the love YOUR life show you will love this FREE Workshop.