The pressure to be nice to those we don’t gel with, is huge this time of year.
This morning, Boxing Day in the UK, I went to the gym to do a class to work off Christmas dinner. It was busy this morning, seemingly every one else was doing the same.
Afterwards, chatting with a friend she introduced me to a friend of hers – a fellow gym member. After a few moments of discussing teenager’s hollow legs at Christmas, the conversation ventured onto hostile family relationships.
I believe family is behaviour not blood. If a blood relative happens to behave like family, it’s a bonus.
Perhaps my view is tarnished by my own family dynamics, over the years I’ve observed them not being very nice to each other. In our house, because we’ve seen that, we focus on being pleasant to each other as best we can; arguments we solve, grudges we do not bear, because it’s stressful and uses frankly, too much energy.
We spend each Christmas with friends who we consider family and we always have a lovely time. Often though for me, there is a pang of guilt. Should we really be part of someone else’s family time? Are we disturbing someone else’s closeness? What’s the impact on our children who don’t have blood grandparents, cousins or aunts or uncles? Each year the same thoughts float through my mind.
This morning though, chatting with these two people, I realised I was very comfortable. Although the subject had never been discussed before (one I had never met before), there was no embarrassment, no judgement about their family hostility. They were matter of fact, shared the same views, we had a chat and we each went about our day.
For me it was a moment of relief, I’m not alone, I’m not sanctimonious. Like them – I just like peace.
The opportunity as a sensitive not to have to brace yourself or to sit between arguments and negativity is a choice that’s a brave one to take.
Why? It seems some people think it’s their right to be hurtful, never to apologise, just because they’re ‘family’.
This coming year, 2020 within the Tree of Life, sits as the ‘4’ year of love. I believe I met this morning the energy of the year, people of genuine connection, even if it’s for a few moments, a common interest or experience and feeling open enough to receive those opportunities.
It’s perhaps the time to say NO to hurt – no matter who they are…
Are you ready to go deeper?