Intuitive Sensitives & The Elusive Soul-Mate
After work you never really knew what mood he’d be in.
The thoughts rushed around Elsa’s head: “Will he be nice today?” Her usual method to find out was a bouncy, chirpy disposition within herself. She would ask positive questions, trying to steer clear of asking about his work day. She’d ask questions about anything, the garden, what he thought about this or that in the news. Something…
She’d try chirpy today.
Other days she found herself quietly withdrawing, afraid. Whenever she withdrew, he’d often be surprisingly nice. He’d be laughing, ‘pulling her leg’ and making jokes. “Don’t be so sensitive Elsa.” A statement he would make and one she found she’d tell herself.
She liked it when he joked. Some of them would be very funny, others she learnt to be on guard for. She had to keep that guard just in case. She’d learnt early on to be cautious, to never trust but at the same time she’d be quietly optimistic.
Elsa would spend her days switching between a care-free happiness and a distant feeling of dread. The care-free happiness she would dust with fantasy stories, the knight and the beautiful princess. The dread she would dampen with the fantasy stories, a brilliant way she learnt to ease out the pain she had no explanation for.
Elsa learnt early on she should be grateful for her father’s presence, his attention. She would hang waiting, waiting to see if today, this day she would be praised, approved of. She’d crave the day he’d spend time with her, hold her hand.
Maybe one day he’ll ask about her paintings at school, maybe even one day he’ll be interested in school, what she did there and how pleased the teachers were with her efforts. Elsa tried always to be a good girl.
The Phone Call
I could hear a deafening silence. “Are you still there Elsa?” There was a shuffling sound at the other end of the phone. “Yes I am Heidi. I’m just a bit shell shocked. I have a great relationship with him now.”
Elsa’s father had been a distant fellow in her early life. Her mother, desperate for his approval and love, had made more effort for his attention than she had done for her child. Elsa at ten years old felt emotionally bereft, abandoned and seeking approval.
Caring & Emotional Distance
Elsa grew into a highly capable adult. Careful to take care of others, instinctual, kind but never quite felt good enough. Her current relationship was with a nice man, his temperament though distanced. Elsa spent her time trying hard to mend the divide.
The fairy tale could never live up to the expectation. Elsa, whilst her child self still saw the ‘man’ in her life as a distant, unavailable figure, the first man she loved, her father, she therefore saw love in the unconscious as emotional distance.
Elsa’s shell shock? The thought of speaking to her now partner to address their equally distant relationship and attachment issues. He was clearly avoidant, she was clearly fearful avoidant.
Avoidant Memory Back to Life
What I had done with Elsa was bring her memory back to life. I had recalled to her the child self, the emotions she felt back aged 10. “But my dad isn’t like that now.” Of course not, energy changes, people adjust and for men like Elsa’s dad, testosterone declines.
When we have the inner world keeping an early wound it’s near impossible to move forward without conscious effort. We become trapped by the past even though we’re no longer in it. For Intuitive-Sensitives this is not only vivid, but much easier to move.
All Intuitive-Sensitives want is a peaceful, calm inner life AND they’re not afraid to grab the opportunity.
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